"Don't turn away, keep your gaze on the bandaged place.
Our brains and bodies are amazing at protecting us.
They are unbelievably skilled at creating distance from the things that we find too hard to deal with, especially if those things happened when we were too young to process them properly.
These might be obviously life-changing moments or they could be things that, as adults, we wouldn't see as significant at all. The important thing is that they impacted what we believe about ourselves and the world.
Often we have a sense of those things, boxed up and put out of the way and our instinct might be to walk past quickly when we glimpse them out of the corner of our eye. It's not surprising. We've walked past them for a long time and at one time it felt safe and comfortable to do that, but now it might be holding us back.
Let me give you an example.
Say you made a joke once in a group as a child. No one laughed, maybe someone made fun of you and you felt humiliated. You learned not to put yourself out there in the same way in case you felt that feeling again and that belief became embedded.
You have completely forgotten the incident but at 50 you still feel an anxiety and discomfort in a group, you still find it difficult to speak up. You don't know why it is and think that it must be 'just the way you are', but the more it has happened through the years, the less confident you felt. Now, you tend to avoid groups altogether.
That belief became stuck, we can't help but act from our beliefs. Change that belief and change your life.
This example is a simplistic one. Very often there is a much more complex web of experiences and beliefs that form a behaviour we want to change, but sometimes it really is that simple.
Because it caused you pain at the time and those feelings were never released, it might be uncomfortable to start exploring. There is a natural resistance to looking into places that are tender, where we've been hurt before. It all makes sense and your wonderful body is always keeping you safe but if you keep walking by those boxes you will be left with that anxiety.
One of the hardest parts of doing this work is showing up to do it.
When a client contacts me for the first time, even if they have a strong belief that this is a waste of time and it won't work for them, they have a glimmer of hope there or they wouldn't be reaching out.
To me, that is the most powerful agent for change because change itself always comes from you and your willingness to start a conversation with those parts of you who are stuck, who need reassurance that now they can feel safe to be seen.
Being even a tiny bit willing, a tiny bit open to start looking inside is ground breaking and it takes courage.
It is standing in a doorway having no idea what you are stepping into and not many of us are completely comfortable with the unknown.
In my experience though, when you show up like that you always learn something about yourself and you might even find that freedom is on the other side of that door. I did.
Get in touch & book a free consultation if you are standing in that doorway and EFT feels like it might be the way through for you. Remember, it doesn't even need to feel possible, it just needs you to be open to the idea that impossible is a belief too.
I'm Jess, EFT Practitioner & mindfulness teacher, adoptive mum to two adorable little fireworks and a passionate advocate of the idea that change really is possible, no matter how far away it feels.