A lot of us might have freedom as a goal, but what does it actually look like?
Where has your version come from? We know that one of the most important steps in getting where you want to be is really being able to see what it is you're aiming for. Maybe something comes to mind for you immediately when you think of freedom. A step that is sometimes missing though, is working out why you want that particular version of it in the first place. For me this is essential and it's also sometimes the beginning of the end when I realise that my motivation was really fear of what someone else would think or a 'should' - basically anything that comes from outside of me. It can be so easy to fall into a goal based on what is expected, whether that comes from someone else, yourself, or you've just soaked it up from the thousands of messages we have waved in our faces every day. It's also very seductive to get distracted from what really matters to you because something else feels like it's the logical next step or what you should be aiming for whether you want to or not, say a promotion when you're actually really happy where you are. External treasures are lovely, often hard-won and great bonuses but it is sometimes important to consider what we make them mean. Maybe freedom for you really is that car or that shiny new job but are you expecting to see yourself or your life fundamentally differently once you have them? Are you actually reaching for something else - a sense of self-worth, power or recognition for example? It can be worth the question because when we reach a goal expecting to feel suddenly fulfilled and it wasn't what we were really looking for, it can be a real disappointment. What if freedom isn't a set of things at all? As someone who spent a very long time feeling trapped in my own patterns, I measure my freedom as the absence of constraint in my mind and in my life. The ability to have easy conversations that I can let go of afterwards, even if I feel I said something I wish I hadn't. Being able to express myself and hold boundaries feeling calm and confident. The ability to be fully present and have space for real joy in the moment because I'm not worried about what I should be doing and I'm not lost in a moment that's already passed or is yet to arrive. I experience that freedom as an almost physical lightness, and because it is a weight that I've put down, I can probably appreciate it in a way I wouldn't if I had never felt the opposite. Freedom for me is being able to live my life, right now. I learned through trial and quite a bit of error, that when freedom depends on what we have or what we look like to other people it can easily disappear. Externally, lots of things have changed for me over the years. I've lived in a fair few places, I've had different jobs, people have come and gone and I've had more and less financially - but my sense of freedom is something I build inside of myself and I bring with me no matter my situation. Follow the feelings A pretty solid way of staying close to your idea of freedom is to tune into the feelings you have about the actions and decisions in your life and keep it simple. Notice I said feelings and not thoughts which can quickly become a bit of a maze. Does it feel constrained? Does it take you closer or further away from what you really want, even if looks all-singing, all-dancing with bells on and everyone you know thinks it's a great idea? To do this we have to prioritise what really matters to us and sometimes we've been so distracted from it that we're not even sure what it is anymore. It can feel like standing in a loud room full of people and trying to find that one really quiet person in the crowd. The good news is they've never left the party and they are always waiting for us to find them again. It might sound a bit woo but you've got a pretty reliable map with those feelings. If you listen, they are very likely to lead you where you want to go. Deep down we usually know the right path for us but the 'shoulds' get in the way of that little voice. Ultimately, it's your connection to yourself and what is really important to you that is going to lead you to real fulfilment, even if that looks completely different than you would have expected. If you were to let those feelings map the journey to your freedom, what would the first step be?
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorI'm Jess, EFT Practitioner & mindfulness teacher, adoptive mum to two adorable little fireworks and a passionate advocate of the idea that change really is possible, no matter how far away it feels. Archives
December 2023
Categories |